jade_skye (jade_skye) wrote,

So I've been thinking lately, and I find myself curious. Most of you probably know that I am a submissive masochist, and I know there are a number of people on my flist who practice an alternative lifestyle, and I guess I'm just wondering when you knew.

It started when I was slightly drunk and a friend(a switch) and I were disscussing this topic. It's kind of funny, but as long as I can remember I've been like this. Even when I didn't have a name for it. When I was a little kid (kindergarten even) I'd be in bed and pretend that for whatever reason all the kids and teachers at school thought I was bad and were punishing me. Granted my knowledge base was a bit off, and I laugh to remember what I used to think, but I still wanted it. I remember trying to explain to my mom when I would get a loose tooth that it was a "Good kind of pain". She didn't get it- lol. One turning point for me was when I read the book "The Dragon and the Thief" by Gillian Bradshaw. It's a children's book, but there's a part in it where the main character Prahotepstet has is arms tied behind his back, and then he's strung up to a tree by them and pushed over a cliff. A bit graphic for a kids book maybe, especially for one written in 1991, but I read that one passage over and over. I don't know how old I was- grade school still- but it always seemed odd to me that I loved that section so much. I didn't understand what appealed to me so much. I have to say it wasn't until I found fanfiction in Jr. High that I realized there was a name for my "strange" urges.

There are no deep secrets in my past that made me this way, no hidden abuse that caused me to enjoy pain with my pleasure and submission. I'm just hard wired that way and get annoyed when I hear the dearm sadomachism disorder, like there is something wrong with it. In my mind, Safe, Sane, and Consensual are the only things to worry about.

So, now that I've got my verbal diarrhea out of the way, who's up for a poll?

Poll #1758034 Age of awareness

When did you know you were "different"

Before puberty
After puberty
When wasn't I?
As an adult
My partner broadened my horizons
I'll explain in the comments

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